Loving You Better

When I greet my pastor my two hands go down the floor in prostration as a mark of respect. But she is not Yoruba and where she comes from you don’t have to go on all fours to greet an elder or show respect. But that’s how I have been trained to greet an elder.

Am I aware she is not Yoruba? Of course! Am I aware she wouldn’t mind if I excuse her my ‘outlandish’ cultural display? I am. So why do I do it?

Because something in me makes me feel I will be disrespectful if I don’t. And by default, I am prone to satisfy this inner moral compass of mine more than her inclinations for politeness.

First Lady does the same. She’s on her knees before she finishes saying Good Evening. And it’s not because her knees are closer to the floor. Before the elder could grab her to restrain her she’s gone and on her way back. And she would not be prevailed upon to do the contrary. For the number of years that I have known and known her, she hasn’t reviewed it or gotten tired of it. You would think learning and exposure would affect it or modify her. It hasn’t. It wouldn’t.

When we show love or affection, we inherently do so through our default settings. We love in the way we have been culturally programmed and impressionably wired to love. Several things impact these love default settings: what we’ve seen modeled or cultured, what we’ve heard or read about and what we’ve experienced especially in the homes we grew up in. Either we are trying to avoid them or we are trying to recreate them. Either we are running away from them or we are being pulled by anything that looks like them.

You get married, imagine the Herculean task of trying to see love differently after you’ve lived 30-40 years with this default mode engrained in you. Just imagine how tasking that will be. It would take a conscientious effort and a staggering maturity to want to seek the other out and review your default programming.

The workshop is for two. The fee is per couple.
The seats are limited. You should register early.
What you don’t place value on, you don’t get virtue from. You can love better!