How many dates do you need before knowing this is it? How many dates should a guy and girl have before declaring exclusivity? One date? Two dates? Three? Five?

I mean, some guys take a girl out on a date, and they believe that since she chose to come out for the date, it is a done deal that they both are dating. As in, since she came out for the date, she has automatically become a girlfriend. And the girl wonders, ‘just because I ate a plate of Jollof rice and drank a bottle of coke that you paid for, I am now your girlfriend?!’ Does that mean she is a girlfriend to every dude who bought her lunch or dinner?
Oh well, the flip question would be, do you need to eat 4 or 5 plates before he can tag you his? How many plates of Jollof rice do you need to eat and how many bottles of coke do you need to drink before he can lay claim to you? How many plates? How many dates?

For some, one date is all they need to know that this is not it, that they can’t do this, that this is absolutely not for them. One date. Just one date! It will shock you how much you can know and gather in one date. So for some people, one date is enough. And they will tell themselves, ‘sweetheart, you can’t deal. This is not for you.’

It may be from something he said or something she didn’t say, it may even be from the way he eats the rice or the way she speaks to the waiter. And so, 30mins into that one date they’ve heard something, they’ve seen something, they’ve noticed something, and they just know like they know their name is John or Sharon, that they wouldn’t hang around here. One date. You see why some people will make an effort to put their best foot forward in a first meeting! That’s the reason! Because you may never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Come on, think about it, look at the way you suit up and dress correctly for a job interview. You make sure you look sharp and clean just so you could impress your interviewers. For many, a first date isn’t different, it is like a job interview. You never can tell what your interviewer is looking for, so you put your best foot forward so you win. This category, I call One-Shotters.

Still on this One-Shotters, there are some men, who start out defining it from the onset. They tell you HOHA! from the first date, that they like you and they are interested in you. In fact, they tell you before the meal for the date is served; no dilly-dallying, no jiggery-pokery. They let you know straight off they didn’t come out because they were hungry or thirsty, the meal is not the priority, you are. So they drop it there at your table, they couldn’t be bothered by all the calculations and permutations of ‘should I or should I not? They just say it, drop the mic and let you take your time and make your decision. Not until they pour out their minds would they feel free to look at their meal. There are men like that – One-Shotters!

And aren’t such men just sweet? I mean, wouldn’t it be sweet to meet such a man?

But, the irony of life is, while some lady would consider such outrightness in a man to mean focus, responsibility, readiness, and decisiveness, while some lady would consider such outrightness a positive sign (come on, you’ll agree with me those are some amazing qualities everyone wants in a soulmate), while some lady find such sincerity in a man attractive (like, this is what I’m looking for, after these many years with men who just wanted to play around and waste precious time, to see a man who says it straight from the shoulder on the first date is rare, uncommon and heaven-sent) while some lady would thank their God and say their search is over, some other ladies see this outrightness on a first date as pressure. As in, Search me! The irony of life! To some lady that’s pressure! Such ladies would be like, ‘hey, slow down, take a chill pill, dude. Can we just enjoy the moment? Can I enjoy this Jollof and drink my juice in peace? Can we just take things easy for now? Some lady will see it as pressure. Talk about different strokes for different folks.

To some people, such decisiveness on a first date is too much tension and stress. And personally, I’m thinking, could their response be linked to the fact that they are still young, foot-loose and fancy-free? Could their response be as a result of the fact that they believe they still have so much time on their hands and would like to just chill and catch some fun? Well, it’s not impossible.

And then we have the 2nd category of people. For these ones, one date won’t cut it. For them, he still seems fuzzy, she is still mysterious, there’s just something about him/her they can’t figure and they know they will need more time, more opportunities, more dates before they can make a decision. There are people like that. There are people who feel all you do on a first date is to impress and make an impression just like a job interview. That your saying the right words, your being courteous, all your niceties are just a facade, not the real you. They believe that if they give you more time, more meetings, more dates, your true colors will come out.  I call them Additionals

They are really not slow starters. They are not. They are Additionals.

They just don’t come out feeling it hot and strong from the beginning. And the issue isn’t that they are young or footloose and fancy-free, they simply are like the microwave, it takes time for them to warm up and latch onto the vibes you throw at them. They are just wired like that. One or two dates won’t do, it’s too small to make a major decision like that. They like to wait and see consistency and credible patterns. They want to have a better, sure ground to build trust on. For them, one date does not provide that sure ground or foundation. They want more, they want an addition to the first or second date. They are Additionals.

How many dates does one need?

Do you belong to the One-Shotters or do you fall with the Additionals? Buzz me in the comment box, let’s talk more.