In soccer, there’s a referee and there are assistant referees. But the game was still prone to error, most devastating and heart-breaking errors. Then goal-line technology was introduced. It still wasn’t enough; the game was still laden with error. Then came VAR! GBAM! Nothing a player does on the field of play now that will not be judged or reviewed.

In tennis, there’s a referee, a chair umpire and line umpires. That should be enough, right? But the game was still prone to error, most devastating and heart-breaking errors. The umpires’ accuracy was still in doubt. Match-determining shots were misjudged. Championship points carelessly misread. Then Hawk-Eye was introduced! GBAM! A line-calling system which traces a ball’s trajectory and sends it to a virtual-reality machine.

In Rugby, there’s TMO – Television Match Official. In NFL, there’s RRS – Replay Review System. In Cricket, the naked eye of the on-field umpire has been replaced with the hawk-eye of ball-tracking software.

In all these, the intention is accountability. It is the awareness that you are answerable to a system whenever you are on the field of play. It is knowing that your actions will be judged on the (and off) court and everyone is entitled to a fair hearing.

Your relationship needs VAR!

Who are you accountable to? What system do you have in place to checkmate your excesses and ensure fairness? Does he have authority over him you can go to if he misbehaves? An authority that he respects and that will call him to order? Does she have a leader over her you can call if push comes to shove? Your relationship needs VAR! Your marriage needs a Hawk-Eye.

Of course, a soccer match can run its course and VAR is not used throughout. A tennis match can be completed without the need for Hawk-Eye but the consciousness that they are there gives you assurance for objectivity and fairness. The fact that if you run to stormy waters, there’s someone you can go to for clarity and unbiasedness is simply gratifying.

Be wary of a man who has no one in his life whom he respects and can call him to order. Be very cautious with a woman who listens to nobody and who nobody can talk to. Many do not want a ‘3^rd party’ in their relationship or marriage and that sounds quite good and reasonable. But good and reasonable does not equal to mutual respect and fairness. Good and reasonable does not prevent abuse or cure violence. Your relationship needs VAR!

Our open-mindedness position has been so beaten up that the thick broad line between right and wrong is now blurry, almost indiscernible.

Whether it be 22 or 2, fairness has the same language, right has no color or gender.

Soccer has VAR. Tennis has Hawk Eye. What does your relationship have?