I chose life. I’m glad I did. I’ve been working on getting to happy. It’s been hard. I’ve been consumed with shame, embarrassment, insecurity and fear. Over the last five months, I’ve been told that having a husband validated me, that he gave me credibility and I will be nothing without him. I’ve been told no one will want me. I’ve been told my career as a life coach, dating/ relationship expert and author is over. Maybe if I had been in a better place, I wouldn’t have believed those things.

I am in a better place now. I decided not to be held hostage by fear and shame, or hurt and regret and anything else that keeps me from living my best life. I decided not to waste my pretty. I go out, and I dress up, and I smile despite what I’m going through. I chant the lyrics to Anthony Brown’s “Worth” on the treadmill. I have a therapist. I read a lot of autobiographies and self-help books. On days I don’t feel good enough, I celebrate someone who I think is. I have friends who ask, “You ok, Sis?” Sometimes yes, sometimes no. There are days I still pull my truck over in the emergency lane and cry.

I wish our marriage could have lasted. To do so would have required me to suffer in silence indefinitely. I tried and failed at that too. I don’t know what all the lessons in this are yet, but I am actively trying to discover them. One thing I’ve (re)learned is the truth of my grandmother’s words, “just keep going”. My world imploded and I faced all my worst fears at once. What I thought would destroy me, did not. I am grateful. #dontwasteyourpretty “