If you are a parent of a toddler, you would have been asked the question, ‘Daddy, please can I play games on your phone?’ a number of times. And if you have not been that politely asked, then chances are that, your three, four, or five year old just waits for a rarely opportune time when your phone is lying idle and she pounces on it before you could say Jack.

Back in the days, play or leisure for children was running around, either in a race at the backyard or on a field close by the house. Fun was jumping and climbing orange or mango trees. Fun was hide and seek. We were mobile and energetic, sweaty and perspiring because when we played, we burned ATPs and rarely stayed indoors. And those were such healthy lifestyles because we exercised the body and were fit.

But the high-tech age has replaced those healthy lifestyles with a sedentary regime for children today, with all the smart phones, tablets, ipads, android phones and cable tv. Any typical child is seen glued to the screen, with a snack by the side and could be in that sitting position for hours finishing packets of chocolate one after the other.

Playing outside the house is now boring compared with being inside the house, armed with a smart phone with your Wi-Fi fully on. ‘Go to your room.’ that used to be a dreaded punishment is no longer a way to reprimand or chastise any child today. A child can actually lock himself up till the following day as long as there is regular power supply, fully loaded Wi-Fi, and a charger. And sometimes you have to practically bang on their doors to make them come and eat.

And as parents we love it so. Sometimes we deceive ourselves by convincing ourselves that they are studying on the net or doing their homework using the internet. The world lives on pretense, you know. We equate their hermetic lifestyle to having peace and tranquility in the house. And we love it so. Oh well, we really do not want disturbances or noises when we retire home after a long day’s work, do we?

Or maybe because we aren’t different too. How can you control their addiction to the internet when you have not been able to tame your own demons? How can we preach moderation when they know we would rather spend time with our imaginary friends on Facebook and WhatsApp than have quality time with them? They watch us, you know. You arrive home from work, say 6pm, just for illustration sake. Hopefully, your toddlers have been home few hours before then (hopefully), you drop your bag and have a quick shower. The average Nigerian relaxes in front of the TV (probably the reason why he/she is average). You pick the remote control and browse through the channels, you find nothing interesting showing, and suddenly your phone beeps. It’s a BB or WhatsApp message from one of your buddies. You reply and the chat begins. And at this time your four year old son tries to get your attention and you subtly push him aside. Your chatting continues. He makes a second attempt and you snap, ‘have you done your homework?’ You and I know you are not so much concerned about the homework, you just simply want him out of your sight.

He hasn’t done it. ‘Come on! Go and do your homework.’ You call her auntie (and that could be a maid, a nanny, your cousin or your sister), ‘help Junior with his homework.’ Junior finishes his homework in, say, thirty minutes. He looks at you and he sees that ‘daddy-doesn’t-want-to-be-disturbed’ look on your face. He looks around the living room and sees your other smartphone. He picks it up, sits far away from you and starts playing games. After a while, you look at him; he is harmless, not disturbing you, not scattering the house, not causing a scene, you smile and resume your chat. Isn’t that what we have become?

With all the WhatsApp groups, BB groups you are in, moving from one app to the other, needing to catch up with trending news on Facebook and Instagram, even your child knows you benefit from locking himself up in his room.

We are connecting with everyone else but our kids. We are giving that friend of ours, several thousands of miles away, our undivided attention, but our son, sitting a few inches from us, struggles to have a minute of our time. Even when we take him out shopping we miss out on opportunities to teach morals and values because Junior is engrossed in his PSP behind us. We hardly notice when he is oblivious to greeting gestures from adults. And sometimes we shrug it away with, ‘you know these children and their games!’

Technology is good, social media has its advantages, come on, I’m on it right now and you probably won’t be reading this if this platform was not provided. But it’s worrisome when we no longer can sustain conversation and do not talk with our kids anymore. It’s worrisome when family time has been replaced with TV and internet. It’s a bother if you cannot last five minutes without checking your phone and browsing through all the media channels checking the tens of WhatsApp groups and BB groups you are a member of.

Any land left uncultivated will grow weeds.  It was Frederick Douglass who said, ‘It is easier to build strong children than repair broken men.’ If we leave your children to the internet or cyber games, we should not be surprised when they grow up and become what they have been fed with.

Technology is here to stay and it has become part of our lives but the safety of our children is our responsibility. We must keep talking with them. We must keep engaging them. And none of these gadgets should ever replace our parenting responsibilities.