Many times what attracts us in another is the uniqueness they have that we don’t. What we admire in another most of the time is the ease with which they are able to do the things we aren’t able or wired to do. It could be as insignificant as their smile, how they smile at everything while you carry a permanent frown on your face like Molue bus conductors in Lagos. And it could be as major as a character trait.

The things we admire many times are the things we are lacking in. And that’s why partners complement each other on many fronts. Yes, I know that your likes are also sources of attraction but what significantly pulls you is their uniqueness because that’s the area they will add value.
But…these things, these sources of attraction overtime become sources of intense irritation.
These same differences, that’s an oxymoron, like an open secret, found missing, alone together……after a while seems to be the very things that pull us apart. It’s unbelievable! These differences that draw us together eventually become the cause of many of our conflicts.

You are not the outgoing type, and he is outgoing, and you liked him for that. You become a pair and you start complaining he goes out too much and keeps too many friends.
You like the fact that she is generous and sacrificial, you become a pair, and you hound her for giving too much and not working with a budget.
You admired her free-spiritedness and playful disposition, you become a pair you complain she plays too much and doesn’t take anything seriously.
You were all over town about how he is so gentle, so easygoing, isn’t talkative, you become a pair and you’re complaining that he is too quiet and he is slow in making decisions

Helloooooo…..those were the things you saw in the first place that drew you in. You used to like that about her. You used to appreciate that about him.
So we then begin to work tirelessly to make the other become like us. Such preoccupation is frustrating.

How do we handle this?

You get a new job through sheer means of your good grades and very impressive qualifications and all the degrees you have gathered over the years.
When you sit at your desk in that new job, do you paste your brilliant results all-around your desk area and flaunt it in everyone’s faces showcasing the various institutions you’ve been to? Do you?

When your colleagues disagree with you on a work-related matter, do you snap at them and announce you graduated with a first-class? Do you?

When your boss summons you to his office to complain about a transaction you didn’t handle well, do you remind him of the various certifications you have and the awards you have received over the years? Do you?

I didn’t think so.

Are your qualifications bad? No! Are your many certifications fake? No.
Your credentials got you the job, but are not sufficient to keep you in. Your qualifications opened the door for you but aren’t adequate enough to guarantee your stay. What keeps you in? Character
What keeps you in that job? How do you manage your uniqueness? Character.

Character calls for balance and understanding of your new status. That you respect it so you don’t lose whatever it is you have. Overdo won’t work. Overdo of all the things they admire in you will wear them out.
Character. Level headedness, Moderation. Understanding. Humility. Because If you continue to misbehave and flaunt your many degrees and certifications, they will throw you out in a jiffy and forget how fantastic your CV was.
Credentials get you in, Character keeps you in. Balance is knowing where and when to harness that energy.
The things that draw us together, overtime could become sources of intense irritation.

Find a balance.

Build character.

Salt is a good seasoning but you know too much salt will damage the soup.

Find a balance.