Two of my friends made this piece inevitable. I love great conversations and we have had some intense back and forth chats in the last 24 hours.
Before the media dragged Will and Jada, they both took a decision not to say anything about their issues. And if you think about it, they pretty much owe no one any explanation. Will said, “We specifically (deliberately) never said anything. It happened ‘about four and half years ago.’ They kept it private and personal. But if you watched the episode titled ‘Our Unique Union’ you will understand some of these decisions. I shared the story about two years ago. You can watch it here. I found some of their values remarkable and I loved their commitment to seeing that their marriage worked. In all honesty, they remain one of my favorite couples.
Anyway, the media dragged them. August spoke and they are where they are today. So, I am going to section this video into three parts; The Good, The Sad and The Ugly.

Let’s start from The Ugly.

THE UGLY
It should be noted that several conversations would have gone behind the scenes before the 12 minutes video was released. For a video like that, it is definitely a given that they discussed it, they analyzed it and they decided what their response would be. Then they went to record. There was a reason why it was a recorded video and not LIVE.
Also, watch that video again, When Will called it ‘Transgression’, Jada was quick to counter, “I don’t see like that at all!” (In that moment, she was speaking to the Media. She was saying something. She was deciding what she wanted to sell. She was introducing us to a new name – Entanglement. Will called it Transgression and she was quick to correct him. Did she win? Yes. The hashtag today is not Transgression. It is Entanglement. That was deliberate.)
People have made adultery less serious by using different casual names for it like ‘Fling’ or ‘Affair’ ‘Side Chic’ ‘Cheating’ but I don’t know if they have ever used Entanglement. Drum roll for the new kid on the block – Entanglement!!

Again, Jada said and I quote, “I actually don’t look at it as a transgression at all. Through that journey, I learnt so much about myself and was really able to confront a lot of emotional maturity, emotional insecurity. I was really able to do some really deep healing.” That was a Well-rehearsed, Well-packaged and Well-presented delivery. She was making adultery look good, so desirable you would want to have some experience so you can learn so much about yourself and be trained on how to confront emotional insecurity.
At that point one cannot but feel Will’s pain. I mean, look at his face in that video. He looked like someone who was dragged to be tortured. He said, “This is your Red Table. You… like brought yourself to the Red Table.” In other words, this is your Show, you have to make yourself look good. That hurts.

See, there’s a pattern in the media where people mess up and while they are trying to admit that wrong, in the same breath they FLIP it, they turn it into a Life Lesson. Immediately!! Like in a split second, they just flip it. They start lecturing and preaching about healing, emotional maturity etc The Switch is so fast you lose their apology in the process. You begin to wonder if they really are apologizing or explaining what happened. Then they play the next card, they draw you towards pity, “I was going through difficult times’ ‘you kicked me to the curb’ ‘a different kind of entanglement’ ‘I was in a lot of pain’ ‘I was very broken’ (Jada’s exact words) But it’s a pattern in the media. For me, It’s not new. Check and see how people turn their F****p into Life Lessons and become Life Coaches.
That is Ugly. That was the first Ugly thing about this video.

Why is it so difficult to take responsibility for your wrong? For crying out loud, acknowledge the fact that you messed up. And be remorseful about it. Even if God wants to turn your mess into a message, He requires you repent first. Repentance would mean you acknowledging you were wrong, you sinned and you are in need of forgiveness. Don’t decorate your bull***t with grammar and appealing words. Say it as it is and ASK FOR FORGIIVENESS. Be remorseful.

And also, don’t color it with ‘you aint innocent too’ That is not the time to rub it in that the person you wronged is also not innocent and has also done similar things in the past. That is just UGLY!! And it shows you are really not sorry.
Jada’s presentation was what it was – a Show, Her Show. And it was ugly to watch.

The second Ugly thing was the fact that August Alsina was about 23 years old at the time this happened and he was ‘very sick.’ Jada was about 44. That’s about 20 years’ age difference. Though August was an adult at the time it doesn’t change the fact that something was awfully wrong and ugly about it. If the basis for the friendship was not his sickness and they both met on an island and fell in love, it would be a different story. But he came to you because HE WAS SICK. You met a need in you by helping fixing him up, then you both began a sexual relationship. At what point are we going to not see this as abuse? At what point are we going to say you were not taking advantage of a young man’s vulnerability? If we flip the coin, and the man is 44 and the girl 23, I know we will approach this matter differently. That was ugly.
Will asked, “What were you looking for with August?”
She answered, “I just wanted to feel good. It had been so long that I felt good.”
Come on, JADA!!! Come on!!!
Just ugly.

THE SAD
It was a Red Table Talk Show. It was not a press conference. There’s a difference. Even though Will referred to it “I feel like that husband…that I’m with you at the press conference…And I say, I love my baby, I’m gonna stand by my baby, no matter what.”
But it wasn’t a press conference. It was a Show!

Ijeoma would disagree with me here. She told me, “Juwon, you keep making this seem like it’s all about content and all but I won’t trivialize feelings and emotions of human beings at the expense of “content creation” and “media hype”. Not always.”

I understand her. I understand her because She is a Christian and we kinda share same values. But it is what it is. That we share certain values does not mean others would share same. We are not all cut out from the same tree. Some people don’t send! So the first SAD part for me is the fact that this was a Show. It was used as Content. It was for traction.

Secondly, the media can deal a deadly blow on you if your roots are not sunk deep. And if you live in the public bowl like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, the twists and turns can damage you. They can wreck you if you aren’t made of sterner stuff. Certain news in the media are premeditated. They are well calculated. In that industry only the negatives sell. In less than 48 hours that it was posted, it generated eleven million views. Anyone can resurrect a dying career from such. Millions who did not know August Alsina before now, now know him. Everything is not always what it seems. Did Jada cheat? Yes. Was Will hurt? Yes. But all that was just a chapter in their story. If Forgiveness was easy, many marriages would still be alive. And anyone who opines Forgiveness is not in the marriage package is probably not from this planet. But the media doesn’t forgive and they don’t forget too. The ability to remember and dig up is the trade they specialize in. What Jada and Will share is what many of their contemporaries can’t boast of. If they choose to move on and heal, they should let them be. But in a situation where you know Content isn’t easy to come by you will find ways of visiting and revisiting past hurts just so you have Content. That’s SAD. Four and a half years after they are back, old wounds are opened, healing process has to begin again. Sad, just sad. It’s what Jada and Will signed up for as Hollywood celebs – they have to live with and above it.

THE GOOD
Hmmmn…can anyone fully recover from unfaithfulness? Even for the best of saints, it will continue to be like gum on your shoes. It’s worse when the world ridicules and haunts you with it, which is the media angle.

Moving on/Forgiveness is a DECISION you make, more for your own sanity than for the unfaithful spouse.
What will be sweet and juicy for the media is that Will call it quits and join the batallion of his colleagues who could not hold a marriage together. And the headlines would be ’25 years after, Will and Jada part ways’ And by that they further push the narrative that marriage is a sham. That would suit their ideology so perfectly but the dude runs with another creed and for that they will continue to waylay him. And I know if not yearly, maybe every two years, this August issue will be something they continue to define him by, not to celebrate his commitment but to ridicule his decision. And that is for me some pressure many will buckle under. That is something that makes recovery an almost impossible task.
The GOOD part for me is that despite all the turbulent times Jada and Will have been through, they still chose each other. You bet, they’ve had their share of struggles as a married couple, they’ve been through trying times in the twenty-five years that they’ve been married, regardless, they still choose each other. There was a reason they didn’t come to the media when this happened four years ago. Who finds marriage conflict resolution in the media? Who brings his adulterous wife/spouse in front of 6, 7 cameras to make a confession? Seriously, who does that?. For an issue that serious, resolution is not in front of the cameras.

So, they dealt with their stuff privately the best way they knew how to. But the media would not be satisfied. So they dragged them – August spoke out. Media twisted what August said – “Will gave Jada permission to cheat.” It was pertinent they came out to correct that impression. So they are here now because Media dialed their number. And they had to respond. Their response is now our issue but it was their choice.
They still choose each other, regardless.
Not many survived a tenth of the issues these two have faced, so I salute their tenacity and commitment.
They choose each other, regardless.

I love them still, regardless.