What do you do when their Sorry does not translate to a change in character?

What do you do when their apologies do not yield fruits of repentance?

You give forgiveness to restore the relationship again. It is a poise to want to trust and relate again. You are confident that lessons have been learned and things will be better. Forgiveness means you are willing to let your guards down once more, being confident you will not be shot again. And that even if you are, at least, it should not be in the same place they have been sorry.

If you have your shield about you, if you fence yourself in, if you circle your space and territory, you may truly not have forgiven.

You may successfully fence yourself in if they were just friends. You may successfully guard your territory if they were just allies. And they may not even notice your carapace. And you both carry on like everything is hunky-dory. The fact that they are not in your face 24/7 is an advantage. You have some level of control over how much access you give them. You can preempt your meeting and interactions and as a result prepare ahead of time your reactions, your remarks. You can fake your smiles, you can stage excitement and simulate laughter. Your antennae are all about you and you know your acting would be over in a couple of hours or more and the whole shebang will be all over. You may do that with friends.

But how do you successfully do that to your partner, your spouse, when you know they are going to be in your face 24/7? How do you forgive and still fence yourself in? For how long can you put up an act or show? For how long can you be plastic and pretend?  How do you forgive them and not let down your guards again? How do you forgive and not able to laugh wholeheartedly and smile genuinely? How do you forgive a spouse and still have your shields about you? How do you create space and boundary and claim you have forgiven? In a marriage?

Because to forgive is to restore to status quo. It is to laugh hysterically with them like you used to, chat with careless abandon like you used to, play with childlike vigor like you used to. To forgive is to not be conscious of the hurt again and to not remember the point of pain again. To forgive is to dare to be vulnerable again. To forgive is to dare to be hurt again and in the same place again.

How easy is that? And how possible is it that saying Sorry would achieve that?

So, hearing them say Sorry may not be enough when you fear the arrow of hurt could be shot again.

What would be enough? And what do you do?

What do you do when their Sorry does not translate to a change in character?

What do you do when their apologies do not yield fruits of repentance?

Buzz me in the comment section and share your thoughts.