How Big Do You Want Your Wedding?

Do you want an elegant ballroom wedding at the all-inclusive, luxury Jewel Resorts of Jamaica?

Or oceanfront wedding on the sand?

Or a Garden wedding gazebos?

Or golf course wedding?

What do you want your guest list to be like?

It will be incredible to have dignitaries around the globe grace your occasion. Senior politicians, Commonwealth governors-general, diplomats, business moguls, A-List celebs wouldn’t be a bad idea. How phenomenal it would be to have Elton John on the piano, TD Jakes on the mic with the Potter’s House Choir, Aliko Dangote flanked by Prince William and Catherine Middleton as special guests, just name them.

Of course you wouldn’t host them in some orthodox church in your village.

You are likely going to take them to the spectacular skyline, JW Marriott Hotel, Dubai. Or you would like to throw all the notions of a traditional wedding out the window for a bubble-inducing underwater wedding in the Bahamas? Or you want some Stylish Caribbean & Mexico Destination weddings in a semi-formal affairs? What about some Platinum Coast beaches in Barbados with duty-free shopping in Bridgetown?

How do you want it?

The options are endless. The varieties are enormous. Just name it and it will done to your specifications – just the way you want it.

Then you honeymoon in The Big Island in Hawaii or the deep-orange sunsets in Tucson Arizona or better still experience an unspoiled tropical background of Costa Rica. The Four Seasons Resort, Bora Bora, located on a coral reef that encloses a turquoise lagoon might be idyllic. You charter a helicopter to take you around towering Mount Otemanu, then touchdown on a neighboring island for a tour of a black pearl or vanilla bean farm.

And of course, you know Paris’ second name is romance. The architecture, the food and the art will take your breath away. You could explore that option too. Or if you like the gondola ride through the Grand Canal, in Italy, as you sail past historic buildings. It’s an experience of a lifetime.

Ever seen the pink-sand paradise in Harbour Island, Bahamas? It is amazing! You should see it.

It’s once in a lifetime event, so make it big! Make it memorable. Feed all your fantasies and make your dream come true. Money shouldn’t be a problem. Nothing should stop you.

It could be a two-day event or one-week long event. It could be longer depending on the activities you have lined up. And the honeymoon rendezvous could be one month or two months or even a year. No holds barred.

Anyhow, when you are back to mother earth, your marriage starts.

The wedding is over and your marriage starts.

It’s the two of you now, no noise, no paparazzi, just the two of you, in your hood, in your corner.

All the vendors have made their monies and as we speak are looking for new clients. All the guests have wined and dined and have even exhausted the gist about how awesome your wedding was. All the wedding crashers have eaten all they wanted and as we speak are checking their calendar for whose wedding is next. All the big names have said their blessings and have gotten back to their duty posts and continued their normal life. And all friends and families have returned to their 9-5 jobs after the one week vacation you gave them. Even your destination honeymoon hosts are already signing on a fresher couple; you were just a client they once had.

The wedding is over. Your marriage starts now.

The harsh reality is, the bigness of your wedding ceremony has no relation with the success of your marriage. The calibre of your wedding guest list is no guarantee of the quality of your marital home. Who joined you is not responsible for what bonds you.

A the end of it all you would need to ask yourselves;

Have you equipped yourselves with all that it takes to make the marriage work?

Have your roots have become intertwined with each other that it becomes inconceivable to separate?

Do you have shared values and goals you both are willing to pursue for the rest of your lives?

Have you mastered the art of communicating effectively?

Have you have learnt the skills necessary for resolving conflicts?

Sometimes, I understand, after the ceremonies are over, we could be busy making phone calls, sending text messages just to check how successful the wedding ceremony was.

Did everyone eat?
Were the drinks enough?
Did the small chops go round?
How was the band’s performance?
Hope the cake tasted well?
What about the hall?
Did the food come out well?
Did the cameraman capture the special moments?
Hope the pictures were not blurry?
Hope the sermon was not long and boring?
What about the décor? Did they get the theme?

The energy, the time, the passion we expend just to be sure the ceremony was classy and top notch, if we could exert just a tenth of it on the marriage itself, we would not have the high rate of divorce and separation we have today.

What if we ask and discuss the following practical questions instead

How do you manage anger?
What are your beliefs about raising children?
Can we talk about our fears and insecurities?
How do we manage in-law relationships?
How about money matters?
Can we talk about sex? Can we share our desires and expectations? Is it okay if I let you know I’ve not been on this road before?
If we are thinking forever, how do I still pursue my career when the kids start coming in?
If this is it for us, what would be the things that would make for our happiness in this marriage?
Can we talk about finances and business opportunities?
How would you deal with the loss of a job?
What happens when you are bored?
How often should we go on vacations?
When should we start making babies? How many do we want?
Would you like to further your education?
Can we talk about where we want to be in 5, 10, 15 years’ time? Can we write down the vision and make it plain so it may run who reads it. We may not achieve all we set out to achieve, can we put it on paper all the same?
Can we google ‘How to make marriage work’ or ‘How to be a better spouse?’ I mean, we googled destination weddings, colours and rings, what stops us from googling ‘How to treat your wife right?’
Can we sit in a class and learn from those who have been there before us? We could pick a thing or two from their experience that will be applicable to us.
How do we make impact and add value to our society?
Is it okay if we pick up a widow to assist or an orphan to sponsor through school?

There’s just so much to talk about. There’s just so much we can do together. Our union definitely must be about something other than procreation. Can we seek to find it out?

Can we pick a book a month to read and discuss? Can we plan to attend conferences or seminars that can build us up as a couple and develop our interests?