“God may forgive your sins, but your nervous system won’t.” – Alfred Korzybski
That is so right. Your nervous system plays the mistake or the wrong over and over and over again. Your mind keeps visiting the scenes, keeps seeing the characters and keeps beating you up for how badly you behaved. It’s been an albatross around your neck now for years. The memories keep stalking you and the acts keep hunting you. It’s been years since it happened but it still seems fresh like yesterday. You made the mistake, you felt the appropriate remorse, and you learnt the lesson. So?
About time you let go.
What has happened has happened. What’s done is done. What’s past is past. And that is where it should be – in the past. You need to move on. It’s about time you let go and move on. You’ve beaten yourself enough for it. Rehashing or overthinking will not make it better. No matter how many times you replay the event, you cannot undo it. So leave it!
Grow with it.
If you knew better you wouldn’t have aborted the baby. He forgave you long time ago, do the same for yourself. You are not being punished today for that wrong. No. And it doesn’t mean every time you face a difficulty or challenge it is penalty for the mistake you made. It is not. Let go.
You did your best for the children. Stop wearing yourself out for how they turned out. You did your best. You can pray for them, you can admonish them but stop draining yourself that you were not there. You did the best a mother could do with what you had.
The accident was fatal. You wish you could bring him back to life. But when you left home that day, your plan wasn’t to take another’s life. It’s five years after, can you let it go? Please? You can’t remain at the accident spot forever. Yes, drive better, be safety conscious, or even start a safety precautions campaign. Just make sure you’re not stuck. Make sure you move on.
I know you had him out of wedlock. I know you wish you could have done better. Stuff happens. Time to let go and make the best of it. God did not design your son to slow you down or stop you from becoming what you are meant to be. Snap out of it and get on with your life. It looked like it was a setback but many have bounced back from it. You can too.
No! The plane crash wasn’t because you didn’t pray with her before she left home or because you both had a quarrel. No! Your in-laws may think so but it is not so! They blamed you for her untimely death and you bought the lie that you caused it, that you could have done better, been more spiritual, been more sensitive, been more this or that. Let it go. Please let it go. Come out of that prison. Do well with the kids she left behind. Make her proud.
We all make mistakes, ALL OF US! We all mess up. In fact some of us have made more than you and we are still living strong today. You won’t be the first and you definitely won’t be the last. Life goes on. You cannot remain stuck in the past. IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON!
Come on, think about it, why would you be so generous forgiving others who hurt you and you can’t extend the same generosity to yourself? That is so unfair. And that is so not right.
Look on the positives. That you feel remorse is positive. It definitely underscores the values you have and the high standards you’ve set for yourself. And that means you are poised to do better in future. Thumbs up.
I see you get better. I see you do better.
Photocredit: Google images