You have an exterior that tells us you really don’t care about finding love but if you are true to yourself, you know different. Those desires, those longings are real. And you cannot enact any law against them.
If celibacy is the choice you’ve made, then this post isn’t for you. But if you know that, despite the vibes you give us that you don’t need a man to make you happy, you hold your pillows at night and are secretly unhappy, then maybe, you’re too busy to find love.
“Single women are told to stay busy for two reasons,” says Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., author of Deal Breakers. “It’s easier to meet men when you’re out trying new things, and being distracted can stave off loneliness. But if you don’t slow down, you may not even notice when a man is interested in you, or you might convey that your life is full enough as it is.”
Rene Russo’s character in ‘The Thomas Crown Affair’ remarkably states, “Men make women messy.” That may be your creed. But that may be what you are telling us and not what you are telling you.
Here are 8 reasons why you might just be too busy.
- Too busy with your very demanding, full-time job.
You work 8 to 7. That could mean 7 to 10 or 6 to 8 or even 5 to 10. You get up early, you come home late. You get home fagged out and exhausted. With the morsel of energy left, you grab some left-over food from the fridge, watch TV for thirty minutes before sleeping off on the couch. The white noise from the TV wakes you up at 2am. You switch it off and drag your feet to the bedroom – you have three more hours of sleep before you set out again. Life.
- Too busy making money.
Too busy making money that you don’t have the time to monkey around with any man. Making money is so much fun and exciting, especially when you have enough props to show for it – a well-appointed and tastefully furnished house, the low emission, performance-inspired sporty car, all the bling bling and all the sexy accessories. Money is good. And you have to either maintain the pace or even make more to keep the status. Now, tell me, where does a man fit in in that equation? We cannot blame you then when you have to chase the next million, the next contract, the next deal and close the next transaction.
We definitely have to understand why you have to be on the phone all the time. No one can hold any length of conversation with you without you cutting it off with the excuse to answer a call, reply a mail or respond to a text.
- To busy climbing the career ladder
You are smart, you are successful and you are a go-getter. You are daily meeting targets and weekly meeting deadlines. You are all booked up for the year, plenty masculine energy in a feminine body. And you’ve gotten to a position where any attachment in form of a man will slow you down.
You are really busy.
Unless of course online dating is what you want to do.
- You are cramped with church activities.
Sunday: Worship service.
Monday: Praying Women’s Group. Power Service.
Tuesday: Faith Clinic or Full Gospel Business Meeting or Esther Prayer Group.
Wednesday: Revival Service. Anointing Service. Bible Study. Cell Meeting.
Thursday: House fellowship. Evangelism. Digging Deep.
Friday: Zonal Leaders meeting. Holy Ghost Night. Deliverance Vigil.
Saturday: Choir Practice. Faith Clinic.
Sunday: The cycle begins again.
Your schedule is pretty predictable: work – church – home.
And some churches have no shame, they stretch it, once there’s a public holiday, they fix a programme there already!
*sigh. It’s a public holiday, for crying out loud! Even if it’s to just sleep all day, I should be allowed to!
- The next certification
You have clothed yourself with academics. You are registering for the next HR course, preparing for the next diet, the next certification, the next degree, the next exam.
Your shelf is filled with all the certificates but your heart is filled with loneliness. Not that your pursuit is wrong in itself, but the walls we build to keep sadness away also do not allow joy in.
- You’re drenched in failed past relationships
The things Fred did and those Charles didn’t do have become gum on your shoes. They have become mirrors through which you see prospective suitors. They really must have dealt you a big blow for you to be that imprisoned.
Your mind is too busy. About time you let go.
- Inundated with responsibilities and commitments.
You have siblings that are depending on you, younger ones whom you are sponsoring in school. You are the breadwinner of the family.
Sometimes a prospective dude sees that load on you and just knows he would not be able to run away from it if he comes closer. Because when you’re burdened like that the only definition of a loving man is one who shares the load with you.
- Your phone/social media.
You are busy following and analyzing other people’s relationships on social media you are too busy to start your own. You have become a self-acclaimed social media critic. You have become the agony aunt for your friends love life you are not aware you don’t even have one. All the messages you have to reply, all the emails you have to attend to and all the posts you have to read up on FB and Instagram.
Relationship is hard work and it is time-consuming. Taken.
Time, energy, emotions and resources are parts of what you commit into it. Taken.
But with event-full calendar, deadlines to meet, obligations here and there even in your free time, where will you find the time? Even if you’re lucky to land one date, you don’t even have the time to grow it.
None of your busyness is wrong but none is helping you either. If you put up the stoic or indifferent disposition but secretly desire better, then you owe it to yourself to do something about it.
Find a balance.
Be willing to make necessary changes for your happiness. It’s good to have a great job, good to serve in your local church, good to develop yourself, but you must find a balance. Busy can be a plus if you know how to balance.
Remember, he is not going to climb on top of your safe haven, he needs an open door so he can walk in. If you want something, you have to make time for it.