I’ve been trying to get an answer to this question for myself for ages, and honestly I still haven’t. Every reason seems to have a big hole punctured in it somewhere. I’ve tried to convince myself using other people’s reasons but it’s still not working. I want my own answer, my own personal reason.

I think generally people believe they should be achieving the next best thing at whatever stage in their lives, and so it’s not normal or acceptable to be happy and satisfied where you are, you have to do something more, be something more, change your status to “In a relationship”, then “engaged”, then create an event “Getting married”, then load the pictures, then the babies, and only then will the world applaud for you. But the missing part is that the world does not move in with you or tell you the best way to make it work. The world does not applaud when you “disengage” because you were beaten up or slapped or your first instinct tells you to “run, Forest, run”. The world will probably say you were being too choosy!

I have also realized that not every woman is a mother, nor is every man a father. It is not an inborn talent or gift or skill, but it has to be learnt, and polished and improved every day. Some people have the natural flair for such improvements, while others do not. But the world believes you must be, so we force ourselves into becoming what we cannot excellently be, because the world will not applaud when you say you don’t want to have kids. It is unacceptable.

I considered the reason of procreation-Go ye into all the world and bear fruit, dominate the earth and fill it. So here we are, fulfilling the word on procreation, and forgetting the weightier matters of showing mercy and justice. Or the spiritual angle maybe- one can chase a thousand and two ten thousand- well many end up trying to chase the one that is supposed to help them chase the remaining nine thousand.

So I kind of keep wondering, why do I want to want to get married too? Or maybe it’s the class that comes with the title “Mrs”-it kind of actually gives the married folks an extra raise on the shoulders. Or perhaps for companionship-I mean even the Bible says one cannot keep himself warm in bed alone, but what if you get an imported blanket from Dubai? That should totally work-hahahahahaha. Or maybe the sex, that’s a very good reason. But I hear that’s overrated too, it definitely loses its glamor and mystery when I hear people start comparing it with eating eba everyday. And I wonder like, when you gathered 1,000 people to witness your swearing in ceremony, didn’t you know you just got conscripted into a lifetime of “eba eating?” The challenge for most I think is finding creative ways of making eba very palatable and appealing for 50 years, there’s a draught of creativity in that department, always easier to go looking for fried rice and plantain or amala and ewedu down the street, under the mango tree. Ok, what am I writing?

My mind is running wild. I’m totally looking forward to walking down that aisle, to the sound of a grande organ playing in the background, with this 6 packed man waiting at the end of the tunnel- sorry, aisle. Tunnel? Where did that come from? No, actually what I have in mind is walking in an ivory gown, bare feet, down by the beach somewhere with only 50 guests, with the sun setting in the background and some John Legend playing somewhere- the only constant K in this dream is the 6 – pack man. As they say, if you want to dream, you might as well dream BIG! I however give a disclaimer at this point- when you see me dancing down that aisle and doing the back flips and cat wheels, don’t quote me on any of this, because it may be for just one reason or a combination of reasons. Maybe I sat next to him in church and he “roboskandad” his way straight into my heart, or maybe I met him at the gym and he got me from hello, or maybe I saw him with his nephew at the park and he struck me as being the perfect dad, or maybe he brought me breakfast in bed when I lay at home, sick and feverish, with an excuse duty from the office, or maybe it will be because an angel tapped me on the shoulder and said “Hey miss, that’s your man.” Whatever the reason will be, it will all be about just him, and I- so don’t bother asking.

Meanwhile, let me return to my romantic movie and lay my crazy musings to rest-for now.