Marital Phase Assessment Δ
THE MARITAL PHASE ASSESSMENT
Before You Begin: Please Read Carefully This is a comprehensive assessment designed to help you better understand your unique marital experience and relational makeup.
To get the most value from this process, we encourage you to take the assessment when you are:
✅ In a quiet, uninterrupted environmentat least 30 minutes of your time
This is not a test , and there are no right or wrong answers. The goal is clarity, not perfection. Your responses will help us tailor your marital phase insights and possible growth pathways with greater precision and empathy.
Please only proceed when you're ready to be fully present.
Personal Information Personal Information
Personality Profile Read the list of statements and rate yourself from 0 - 10, with zero being the statement that least describes you and ten being the statement that most describes you.
1. Many people think I am unemotional and blunt in relating with people and handling issues.
2. My work rate is high, able to work under pressure, taking risks or projects others think can’t be done.
3. I easily take the lead wherever I find myself and could get upset when goals are not met.
4. I usually ignore how people feel when I am chasing a goal or trying to get results.
5. I am very opinionated, and I can make decisions for others easily.
6. I love people and always want to make them happy.
7. I encourage people to work together and easily let go offences so we can move on
8. People notice me easily and love me because I am the life of the party wherever I find myself
9. I can motivate people to get things done.
10. I dislike rules and regulations that promotes dogma & tradition because I know there are other ways to get the job done
11. I naturally hate to offend people so I may be slow to confront issues because I am waiting for the right time to do it.
12. People see me as a slow starter and they think I don’t like change but I am steady, dependable, controlled
13. I love to work from the background without making noise about my accomplishment
14. I withdraw from aggressive situations, would rather allow peace reign than be confrontational
15. I am ambitious but I take my time and work at my pace
16. I am a perfectionist to the core, I can’t stand disorganized people.
17. I love to work based on rules and regulations and predetermined standards.
18. I need time to think and plan before embarking on any project of journey. I rarely would jump on a trip or any venture without a proper plan and reflection
19. I could be suspicious and critical of people, always weighing the intentions or motives behind whatever they do.
20. I am very detailed and thorough in whatever I do, always trying to do things right leaving no room for error
Love Language Check Read the list of statements and rate yourself from 0 - 10, with zero being the statement that least describes you and ten being the statement that most describes you.
1. I feel most loved when my spouse gives me sincere compliments or affirming words.
2. I value handwritten notes, thoughtful texts, or verbal encouragement from my partner.
3. When I’m feeling down, kind and uplifting words help me bounce back.
4. I often replay in my mind the kind or loving things my spouse has said to me.
5. Harsh words or criticism hurt me more than other forms of conflict.
6. I feel emotionally connected when we hold hands, hug, or cuddle.
7. A warm touch or kiss from my spouse can shift my mood instantly.
8. Physical affection, even without sexual intimacy, helps me feel secure.
9. I often reach out to touch or be touched by my spouse during the day.
10. When we’re physically distant for long periods, I feel less connected.
11. I feel deeply loved when my spouse gives me thoughtful gifts, no matter the cost.
12. I cherish gifts because they show that my spouse was thinking of me.
13. Special occasions mean a lot to me, and I value being surprised or remembered with a gift.
14. A small “just because” gift lifts my spirits and makes me feel seen.
15. I tend to feel disappointed when important dates are forgotten or overlooked.
16. I feel closest to my spouse when we spend uninterrupted time together.
17. I value having meaningful conversations without distractions.
18. Shared experiences like date nights, walks, or trips strengthen our bond.
19. When my partner prioritizes time with me, I feel important and loved.
20. I get hurt when I feel like my spouse is physically present but emotionally absent.
21. When my spouse helps with chores or tasks, I feel cared for.
22. Actions speak louder than words—doing something for me shows love more than saying it.
23. I feel most loved when my partner anticipates my needs and steps in to help.
24. I appreciate when my spouse takes initiative to lighten my load.
25. Broken promises to help or forgetting tasks can make me feel unappreciated.
Attachment Dynamics Read the list of statements and, using the scale below, pick the grade that you feel corresponds to how you feel.
Strongly Agree
Agree
Neutral
Disagree
Strongly Disagree
1. I find it relatively easy to get emotionally close to others.
2. I often worry about being abandoned or not loved by my partner.
3. I find it difficult to fully trust others, even my partner.
4. I feel conflicted about being close to others—I want connection but also fear it.
5. I feel comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me.
6. I feel insecure if my partner doesn’t immediately respond to me.
7. I prefer not to rely on others and feel uncomfortable when they depend on me.
8. I sometimes push people away even though I deeply want their attention.
9. I am comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings with my partner.
10. I tend to crave a lot of reassurance and affection in my relationships.
11. I often feel the need to keep emotional distance from others to feel safe.
12. I experience sudden mood changes in relationships, going from feeling secure to scared or confused.
13. I feel confident that my partner will support me when I need them.
14. I sometimes feel that I am more invested in the relationship than my partner.
15. I am uncomfortable with too much closeness and often push people away.
16. I have difficulty trusting people and fear they will hurt or abandon me.
17. I trust my relationships to be stable and secure, even when there’s temporary distance.
18. I often feel anxious when my partner is not available, even for short periods.
19. I value my independence and sometimes avoid sharing my feelings with my partner.
20. I often feel overwhelmed by emotions and struggle to express them clearly in relationships.
21. I am generally satisfied with the level of closeness in my relationships
22. I fear that my partner might not care about me as much as I care about them.
23. I find it challenging to be emotionally vulnerable, even with people I care about.
24. I tend to experience intense emotional reactions when I feel rejected or ignored.
Echoes & Patterns Inventory Rate how true each statement feels to you in your current marriage, using the scale:
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
1. I find it difficult to talk about how I feel, especially during disagreements.
2. I often feel emotionally tense or on edge in situations where I should feel safe
3. I feel the need to stay strong or “hold it together” even when I’m hurting.
4. I find it easier to avoid emotional conversations than to engage with them.
5. I have trouble naming or even recognizing some of my emotions in the moment.
6. When conflict or tension arises, I feel it strongly in my body (e.g., stomach knots, tight chest, headaches).
7. I tend to withdraw or shut down physically when I feel emotionally uncomfortable.
8. I struggle to relax or feel settled after an argument or emotional exchange.
9. My body often goes into “alert mode” when I sense disapproval or confrontation.
10. I sometimes avoid physical affection or closeness without knowing exactly why.
11. I often question if I’m doing enough or being good enough as a spouse.
12. I struggle to make decisions confidently, especially when there’s disagreement.
13. I react quickly to protect myself in situations that feel emotionally charged.
14. I tend to repeat habits or reactions that don’t serve me, even when I want to change.
15. I often feel responsible for keeping the peace, even when I’m not at fault.
16. Growing up, emotional issues were rarely discussed or openly processed.
17. I was expected to behave, comply, or stay quiet to keep things peaceful.
18. Expressions of anger or sadness were often met with silence, punishment, or shame.
19. My caregivers or family members avoided hard conversations or brushed things under the rug.
20. I learned early on that love and acceptance were often tied to performance or obedience.
21. I find it hard to believe that my needs matter as much as my spouse’s.
22. I try to avoid conflict even when something genuinely bothers me.
23. I sometimes over-function or “take on too much” to feel worthy or accepted.
24. I feel unsafe or uncertain when things get emotionally intense, even if no one is being harmful.
25. I notice I’m repeating certain relational patterns I saw in my parents or caregivers.
Marital Phase Assessment This quiz will help you identify which of the four key phases your marriage is currently in: Learning, Pushing, Settling, or Growing, and the specific stage within that phase.
Read each statement carefully. Be honest with your responses. For each statement, rate how often the statement reflects your experience in your marriage using the following scale:
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
1. I am curious about understanding my partner's background and experiences.
2. We have regular conversations about each other’s expectations.
3. I feel eager to learn what makes my partner feel loved.
4. I ask questions rather than make assumptions.
5. I am open to discovering new ways of making our relationship work.
6. I am willing to adjust my habits to improve our connection.
7. We’re learning to compromise without resentment.
8. I’m practicing patience while we both figure things out.
9. We talk about what’s working and what needs improvement.
10. I recognize my partner is different from me, and I’m learning to adapt.
11. I’m becoming more self-aware within the marriage.
12. I understand how my past affects how I relate in this marriage.
13. I’m actively trying to become a better partner.
14. We are developing shared values and goals.
15. I feel like our personal growth is part of our marital journey.
16. I feel the need to speak up about unmet needs.
17. I’ve been asking for more attention, time, or effort.
18. I find myself constantly reminding my spouse about changes that need to happen.
19. We are having disagreements on several issues ranging from finance to parenting to life goals and sex.
20. I am not willing to continue without some changes.
21. I’ve made clear requests for change in our relationship, using different methods like conversations, books, counselling, couples' group meetings, etc
22. We are trying to negotiate how to meet each other’s needs.
23. I sometimes feel like I’m pushing harder than my partner and sometimes feel exhausted from trying to get my partner to commit more.
24. I notice some progress, but it feels inconsistent.
25. We have tough conversations to try and resolve tension.
26. I still believe change is possible and worth pursuing.
27. I’ve considered seeking help (therapy, coaching, etc.).
28. I’m reevaluating how much I can keep pushing.
29. I want a better version of this marriage and I’m still working for it.
30. I’m deciding if we can move forward together or apart.
31. I’ve stopped expecting significant change in our relationship.
32. I feel emotionally drained by our repeated issues and no longer have the energy to push for improvement.
33. I often avoid confrontation or conflict to keep the peace.
34. I’ve become numb to things that used to upset me.
35. I no longer believe change is likely; I am locked in neutral when my needs are met and indifferent when my needs are not met.
36. We live together, but it feels more like cohabitation than a partnership.
37. We avoid deep or vulnerable conversations; our conversations have become routine and transactional.
38. I mostly focus on other areas of life like work, children, other friendships, and passions, rather than our relationship.
39. I’ve lowered my expectations in the marriage because I am tired of getting disappointed.
40. There’s minimal emotional or romantic connection. However, to several people, we look like the ideal couple and have the appearance of a happy marriage but it is a position we have perfected for the public and for ‘peace's sake.’
41. I’m contemplating if this marriage still aligns with my needs.
42. I’m weighing whether I can live with things as they are.
43. I’ve made peace with some things I know won’t change.
44. I think about what life might look like if I were not in this marriage.
45. I’ve accepted this version of our marriage, for better or worse.
46. We’ve both realized there’s more to learn about loving each other well.
47. We reflect on past experiences to improve how we relate.
48. We’re more intentional about understanding each other.
49. I feel like we’re entering a new chapter of growth.
50. We’re beginning to ask deeper questions about our marriage.
51. We actively apply tools, insights, or teachings to grow our relationship.
52. We seek support or knowledge that strengthens our union.
53. We check in regularly to see how we’re doing as partners, intentionally seek ways to love and support each other.
54. We handle conflicts with understanding rather than blame or avoidance, giving each other the freedom to express thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly and constructively.
55. We work as a team to overcome challenges.
56. Our relationship feels like a space where we both thrive, embracing new insights and strategies to keep our love strong.
57. We feel fulfilled and joyful together.
58. We celebrate each other’s growth and successes.
59. We inspire others by how we love and relate.
60. I feel we are constantly evolving, together and individually.
Submit Form
