Have you ever wondered what it is that makes two people good friends but pathetic soulmates? Why would two great friends make a transition into a serious relationship and everything goes downhill from there, like they were never friends?
Because before now, nothing really mattered. And right now, that we made the transition, everything matters.
Before now, there were no pressures. We only had conversations and no expectations. Right now, our expectations are hitting the 7th heavens.
Before now, it was okay for you to promise you will be at the event and not show up. And I would not be angry with you. In fact if I dragged it too much, you might get upset. But right now, you better have a good reason for not showing up. Expectations!
Before now, it was okay you always came late. We make the transition, it will no longer be okay. Punctuality becomes a virtue I esteem. Expectations!
Before now it was okay you stayed in a one-room apartment and had no immediate plans of improving that status. Right now, your one room will not be a bother as long as I see solid plans in place to move up in due time. Expectations!
Before now it was okay that you were satisfied with just having a degree, right now your lack of ambition becomes a bother and your being laid back becomes a concern. Expectations!
Before now it was okay to be extravagant and party with friends. Right now I’m thinking can your time be better used and invested?
Before now it was okay to eat out and snack on ice cream and chocolates every other day. Right now I’m thinking how much do you have in savings and I’m wondering why you can’t cook for a change.
Before now, you were doing just fine. Right now, fine would not cut it. I want you to do great.
And that’s the implication of the transition!
Expectations! Expectations!! Expectations!!!
I think it is juvenile for a guy or lady to think that the same template that worked for friendship will work for a relationship. Once the transition is made, you need an upgrade. Transition means Upgrade. The transition implies you need to step up your game.
It is this demand (sometimes unspoken) the transition brings that, if not managed properly, damages many promising relationships. And the two of them wonder, how come we were fantastic friends and suddenly are unable to deal as soulmates? How come we had so much fun as friends but suddenly become tense and hypersensitive under the guise of a relationship? When did you become so touchy? Why is my spending habit now a bother? I thought you liked my place, why are you complaining now? The demands and implications of taking it to the next level begin to call but they are not aware.
You must decide if staying just as friends is what you want or if you want something bigger and better. If you want to stay as friends with no strings, fine. There’s no crime in it. But if you both choose and decide you want more, then you should understand that wanting more is synonymous to being able to do more. You can’t be wanting more and be unwilling to do more, ko le werk!
Moving up from being just friends to being soulmates doesn’t mean you will stop being friends, it just means your friendship must grow to accommodate the demands of your new status.
You have apps on your phone that periodically prompts you for an upgrade, right? It asks you to upgrade from a previous version to a new version (of the same app). Upgrade means to raise (something) to a higher standard, in particular improve (equipment or machinery) by adding or replacing components. It means to improve, modernize, update – bring up to date, make better.
If you keep ignoring the promptings for an app update, what happens? The app will not be able to function to full capacity. It would be hanging and may eventually crash. What are the likely reasons you would not update when you get the promptings? Lack of space on your phone or gadget. And if you update what happens? The app eats up more space. D’you get it?
How many relationships are hanging today? How many times have you gotten promptings, notifications to upgrade to the new version (of your relationship or marriage) and you clicked Ignore? And now you are wondering why you are having issues! You have been clicking Ignore for a long time!
One, the fact that we make transition does not make us lose our friendship. Come on, when you upgrade or update an app, do you lose the app? No!
Two, upgrading is not instant. Think of how you have to wait for that update bar moving from 0% to 10% to 13% to 20% to 50% to 56%..…And at some point it slows or stops for a while and then you see 58%. During that slow period, a lot of work is going on. What do you do in the process? You wait. You exercise patience. Or you may go and perform other tasks on your phone. You may even make a call, send a text, and watch a video. Because you know there is an update going on in the background. Your partner may not see the instant change in you but the fact that you make the effort is same as clicking ‘update’ You both will continue to have fun times knowing fully well that there is an ‘upgrade’ going on in the background.
The issue he/she has with you is that you want to keep having fun times without clicking update. You want to keep picnicking without making any effort to improve yourself. That’s where the problem is.
So in the same manner, when you make transition from friendship to relationship, you need an upgrade. When you make transition from relationship to marriage, you need an upgrade! When the baby comes, you update the marriage app. The change may not be instant, but if he/she is aware that you have clicked the update button, there will be no hassles laughing and having good times, you both know there’s work going on in the background.
Many times you don’t understand the demands and implications of the transition you make. You are too lazy, too laid back to make the necessary adjustments. And even when you understand the only place you update is social media. You go on Facebook and change status to ‘in relationship’ or ‘married’ ‘just had a baby.’ You go on Instagram, post pictures and hashtag #relationshipgoals. You snapchat and put a worded comment. You are all over social media but not anywhere near where the update or upgrade is most important – your life! You refuse to click update in character, in behavior, in choices, in responsibilities and in goals.
It’s time for a reset.
If you want more, then be ready to do more.
Photo credit: Google