This Dance is Mine

I’m not a perfect gurl
I’m pretty clumsy.
My hair doesn’t stay in place
I spill things a lot.

I’ve cheated my brothers. My friends and I often fight.
I’ve let a lot of people down, my parents top on the list.
I’ve broken a few hearts. The heart was made to be broken, anyway.
I’ve fallen in love with my best friend’s fiancé.
I’ve blamed a new love for things an old one did.
Yeah, I’ve lost my innocence.
And countless times I said ‘I will never do it again,’ you bet….I did.

I’ve taken life with a pinch of salt, a wedge of lime and a shot of tequila.
I’ve tasted the most profound loneliness.
I’ve traded my tomorrows for a single yesterday.
After all, I’m just a pawn on a chessboard.

Love is like measles, we all have to go through it.
He was my drug and I was addicted
The cover was appealing. The content was appalling
The heat was killing. So I left the kitchen.

A new bloke. A new page. A fresh start. I thought.
I opened the door to more grief and desolation.
Over and over I tried.
Over and over I cried.
Over and over I sighed.

I must have been born with tragedy in my blood.
Grief, definitely, must be my other name.
I’m sore with hopelessness.
I’m held captive in my losses.
I’m a lonely bird on the housetop.
I’m a frozen wasteland.

Now I hold my strength close, afraid it will be broken
The daily demands drown me. I struggle to stay afloat
The deeper you cut, the less you feel.
What lays behind leave battle scars.
What lies ahead reflects fear.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Desire is confusing.
Rejection sucks
Resentment backfires
And anger seeks revenge.

Cracks in the concrete only remind us of how we can be strong and still crack
I am down to my last cry.

So let the tears come.
Let them water my soul.
Let them wash away the pain.
Let them give way to a new song.

I refuse to nurse regret for love given
If I hold on to them I’ll never fall apart. And if I don’t fall apart I’ll never find myself.
Sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes are washed.
It takes a steady hand to hold a full cup.
The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy
God must love stupid people, He made so many of us.

There is no gathering the rose without being pricked by the thorns
If we are intended for great ends we are called to great hazards
The fruit is always on a limb
If I don’t go in, I can’t find out

I asked for strength, He made me weak
I searched for reason, Joy found me.
I’m in class again.
Please mark me Present.

So this year, God is my DJ.
Life is the dance floor
Love is the rhythm
We are the music.
This dance is mine.

Photo credit: Google images 

Written by juwonodutayo

Writer. Tutor. Speaker. Blogger. Roger Federer Fan.

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