The Phone Call That Got My Wife Envious

Should my spouse be upset if I talk excitedly with another woman on the phone?

Coming home into the welcoming arms of your wife is one of the few beauties of life. Isn’t it? Only that on this particular occasion Yourstruly was passionately engrossed in a phone conversation and laughing hysterically when his wife opened the door. Suffice it to say that, I shrugged her hug away with my laptop bag, managed a nod as a greeting and collapsed on the sofa. Seeing the mood I was in, she gave me space and went to attend to other things. And by ‘other things’ I meant my dinner.

I was on the phone for the next ten minutes which really seemed like an hour. When I was done, I dropped the phone excitedly and still bathing in the euphoria of the animated phone conversation pranced around the house looking for her. She was dutifully by the dining setting the table. I settled on my seat ready to demolish the two raps of semovita, ewedu soup and some delicious goat meat. She took a seat beside me and smiled. I still had a huge grin on my face as I engaged her in small talks asking her how her day was but gravely unaware she wasn’t even answering.

‘I can’t remember the last time you were that hysterical and frenzied on the phone with me.’

The ball of semo in my hand hung up in the air. And like ice turning into water, the grin on my face melted away and a puzzled look replaced it. ‘You said?’

‘You heard me. When was the last time you were that over excited on the phone with me?’

‘What are you talking about?’

She smiled. ‘Look at you…you should have seen yourself when you came in. Who was that on the phone?’

Reality dawned. I felt like a little child who was caught playing video games when he was supposed to be doing his homework. ‘Come off it! What’s that?!’ I swallowed and took another ball shrugging off her accusation.

‘Who was the person on the phone?’

‘Kendra.’

‘K-e-n-d-r-a.’ She drawled and got up.

That was fire on the mountain right there.

‘Come on, baby…we were just remembering funny stuff back in the days.’

‘I see…’

I would be damned if I thought she was done.

‘Come on…wait a minute…what are you insinuating?’ I was losing my appetite already.

‘Nothing. Didn’t you hear me?’ She walked back to the dining from the kitchen. ‘I just can’t remember the last time you were that excited on the phone with me. That’s all.’ She gesticulated. ‘Cool down. Let me get you water.’

I was stunned. ‘You are my wife! We see and talk every day!’ My voice was hitting the high notes already.

‘Exactly my point!’

I caught her face just before she looked away and if I had thought this was just play or joke I was more convinced it wasn’t.

Kendra was an old friend that I had not spoken to or with in twelve months. I felt it was justification to be that ecstatic on the phone. Okay, yes, we were quite fond of each other back in the days, but it wasn’t more than ‘fond of each other.’ I mean, I speak to you, wifey, all the time, so what was it? Come on, what was this? A man can’t come to a peaceful home again!

I was confused.

She rested her palm on my shoulder from behind as she placed the water on the table. ‘I know Kendra is an old friend. Just couldn’t help wishing you could be like that on the phone with me, even if it’s once in a while. You needed to see your face when you came in. It was a pretty picture.’

‘Really?’ I was calm now. Her hand on my shoulder probably helped.

‘Yeah.’ She turned around and smiled. ‘I was jealous, I guess.’

‘I’m sorry.’ I was really calm now but I had finally lost my appetite.

‘It’s nothing. Of course, I heard all you guys were talking about. I mean, you were on the couch for close to fifteen minutes or so. Don’t misunderstand me. My point is, you aren’t that hysterical with me on the phone.’

‘How am I on the phone with you?’

She sat down. She shifted her head in a thinking position. ‘Edgy…business-like…sometimes snappy, sometimes stressed… like my phone call is a distraction to your already jolly beautiful day.’

‘Wow. Are you serious?’ We both didn’t mind the food was already cold at this time. And I don’t like cold food. But, this was an important moment.

‘Absolutely.’

‘Then I’m sorry.’ I drank some water. ‘I will be very excited on the phone when next you call,’ then I injected a teasing but honest tone into it, ‘just make sure the call isn’t about needing to pick Ayanfe from school, or about an official trip you have to make to Lagos or about an expense I haven’t paid for or about Afooreofe’s next hospital appointment or about SU monthly dues or about….’

‘Ooo-kay…I get.’ She cut in. ‘That can’t be all I say on the phone when I call you?’

‘Huh? Next time I will make sure I record our phone conversations. And then you check which husband gets excited or ‘hysterical’ on the phone with news and requests like that?’

‘But, really, who else will I take those requests or conversations to?’

‘My point is let your phone call sometimes just be fun too, just to say Hello or share a joke or a gist, even gossip. Let it not always be about demands or requests so that when I see your call, I’m not already thinking about what I’ve done or not done.’

‘Point taken and well noted.’

‘Thank you.’ Just then my phone rang. I looked at the phone and then looked at her, ‘it’s Kendra.’ It was more a request than a statement.

‘Answer your call. Just make sure you finish your food.’

‘It’s cold.’

‘That’s your punishment for making me jealous.’

Is it okay for my wife to be upset if I talk excitedly with another woman on the phone?
Is jealousy healthy?
Like, Share, Comment. Share your views in the Comment Box under.

Juwon Odutayo
Juwon’s Chronicles

Written by juwonodutayo

Writer. Tutor. Speaker. Blogger. Roger Federer Fan.

17 Comments

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  1. This article is so apt. Me thinks if we don’t make a conscious effort to spice up our marriages, the fire of passion may blow out and a few years down the line we would be wondering…… Where did we go wrong

  2. Interesting. Jealousy is healthy. But just as it applies to health, too much of everything is bad. When jealousy gets out of proportion, it can mess up the fabrics of a once beautiful marriage.
    I also don’t think it is cool to get into an ‘exciting’ phone conversation with a female especially an ex, more so when my wife does not enjoy an exciting communication in my marriage

  3. Nice one Juwon… not ‘nice’ that things went the way it did but ‘nice’ that you could think to recapture it and make it serve some usefulness to other husbands … truth is, its a recurring situation, I think women have some level of expectation that we men DONT always understand or want to understand or realise or want to realise or simply just unable to ALWAYS meet up with (and when I say women and men, I mean husbands and wives or married couples so to speak).

    I think its practically impossible to always remember that you have not spoken to your wife in a way on the phone, the thing is… when you speak to other people, you know they have their lives, they are not there to make demands or have expectations and as such you speak from a distance no matter how cordial it is… you can show empathy but you know its not your life and not obligated… however with your spouse, its your life… you are fully obligated, you therefore think that once you solve their nagging issues then you have done yourself and them some level of good or favour but this often saps out the thrill and frill in a relationship, exactly as you have expressed to your wife in the write-up.
    Let it not always be about this and that even tho she isnt making those demands or saying those things to hurt you, she is just doing what she knows will help the family.

    Sometimes married couples take things a bit seriously, one party assuming they are more serious than the other or they know better than the other, I for one love to play and joke around (although this has reduced in recent years, new experiences new environment, stress etc but its not dead at all), so I have many times tried to push limits with my wife doing something repeatedly because I consider it fun and annoying tho but she doesnt want it any more, to her its gone a step longer than she could accommodate and while I think its fun she clearly sees no fun in it since after the second time… haha… YES I admit I should know when to stop… but also YES I think she is taking things too seriously and if I cant play with you my wife as like a friend dont then expect I will always talk to you like one on phone or have conversation like friends I havent seen in a long time.
    I think its natural that the fun spouse becomes conscious not to act like a fool in front of the one who sees and knows everything about you and who has asked you to cut it off a few times…I have also been severally accused of speaking jovially with female friends from the past, people I havent even seeing ins 5-8 years and more, probably not even in same country as me and I have had to explain that its just old friendship, no she isnt accusing me of any infidelity in conversation (altho it may often sound like she is) but she certainly is accusing me of hardly being elated and excited while on phone with her as a wife and part of the reasons are what I have discussed above here, when you dont see a person always, you can talk once a while and its all smiles etc but you have a person next to you everyday or talk to everyday it wont make sense to expect them to accept your excited talk everytime, you will sound unserious especially if they are a bit serious in their perspective of things than you are, so you tend to keep that side away plus this is the person you have disagreement and fights with over time so you just cant always be hippy happy with them on phone like someone who you dont see.

    Wives are always the jealous bit altho husbands too are… Women want to be wanted or feel wanted but being able to express that always is a challenge for men and I dare say, men too deserve to be wanted, we are humans… make excuses for your husbands, we had female friends and friends in general from our past life before you came around and got us done for… please dont keep squeezing us by the balls each time we try to be ourselves again around friends especially females ones.
    A few times I have been accused of taking to a female on phone excitedly yet if you strip the person naked you will not have to go far to discover they are as man as anything else – basically I was talking to a guy not a girl, but so what if its a female? I dont go out, I dont go to clubs or anything, last time my family travelled I was alone indoors for 3-4 days not stepping my foot outside of the front door for once, my only exit is talking on phone whenever it comes.

    Finally, Juwon, your wife has displayed a lot of calmness… leaving you be, touching your shoulders and explaining things… basically I think you are guilty … of being too serious around her, maybe what got her attracted to you is that you use to be a fun and funny guy, but I am suspecting you may have gone too serious these days but I guess most men fall into same trap anyway… the cares of life gets us too uptight and only seek to unwind around friends esp the female ones over the phone.

    God bless

  4. Hi Juwon- thanks for the honesty. Totally agree with my Sister. There in lies the reason some people feel marriage ruins everything…… classic example- people like Oprah refuse to get married but have been in a relationship for 20-30yrs. Don’t get me wrong- I do not agree with them cause I know it’s a strategy of the devil. But we need to do much more to keep the excitement, fun, going.. WE NEED TO BE DELIBERATE!!! Don’t take each other for granted.

    • We must not take each other for granted. ‘You are my wife! I see you everyday!’ is apparently taking her for granted. On point, Ify.

  5. Zon, who won’t be especially if you are married to a dude that every lady likes to roll with! Jealousy is sure but must be managed, processed and emptied on a recurrent!
    Nice write up Juwon, my fella has got to see this!

  6. I ask this, is it normal for the guy not to expect his wife to feel bad when he treats others better than he treats her? This is a battle i have fought over the years and of course, i lost. Have i given up? Errr… I still ‘fight’ once in a while.

    I am totally familiar with that feeling of jealousy when he’s chatting with someone on bb and he has that happy look and is laughing and reminding me of a child in Santa’s grotto (not naija santa o). The first time it hit me, I checked our bb chats wondering if there was anything worth giggling over. Well, except he finds ‘will be home late’, or ‘hope *child’s name* is feeling better’ and a host of other requests (and ‘commands’) funny, there’s absolutely nothing in there to make him or ME for that matter laugh.

    Some call it see-finish, some familiarity, some add over- to the familiarity. Some argue it’s the cleaving part of two becoming one (mi o gba). Whatever name it is, your spouse should be your best buddy. I am not saying you can’t have other people who can make you rerin arin takiti and shake body and generally make a nuisance out of you. Only if they do the job better than your better half, why didn’t you marry them?

    And honestly, if the tables were turned, how would you feel?

    #signingout #overandout

    • What can I say? We are guilty as charged. I identify with that moment we chat with another and there’s just that funny grin on our faces that makes our spouses curious what is it the person on the other side is saying that is bringing out such beautiful smile out of us. It’s even more annoying if you and your spouse are in a sour mood with each other. You are beefing him and he is cackling away with careless abandon. Grrrrrrh…you want to get a bottle and hit his head, literarily, that is.

      I’m a firm believer in my wife being the one that makes me laugh the loudest and grin the biggest. If she wasn’t capable of doing that, I wouldn’t have married her. And if she is not doing that presently, maybe I should evaluate myself and find out if there’s anything at all that I’m doing or not doing, that is making her live below her full capabilities and potentials. And that is vice versa.

      We must not ‘see-finish’ our spouse. The tendency to do that is always there but we should guard against it. I explained that in details in the ebook, Are You Bored? . it’s on the site. Download it, it’s free. Or listen to the podcast.

      Tiwa, if the tables were turned, I would be jealous too. That’s the truth. In fact, I’m not sure I would be mature enough to deal with it the way my wife did. Thanks for your comment. I’m sure a number of us would agree with you.

  7. A lot is going on in homes and the women are so dying in silence. The man now gets pleasure in talking to their friends outside and the wife is left to figure out whatever it is going on in the husband’s life. The man now sees a woman as someone who will compound his worries rather than a solution to his problem. Any attempt for the woman to talk about the needs in the home…..nagging has started be that.
    Some men apparently don’t talk to there wives at home, they will rather chat all the day away with friends and colleagues….buy why.
    The next thing you hear is she doesn’t show me love at home, she is always demanding when she knows I don’t have…how will she know when you don’t even communicate…she be witch????.
    It’s so unfortunate that most women are now in love with their kids as a 2nd option….at least the kids will love them in return.
    Some men don’t have their wives as contact on their BBM nor whatsapp applications…its that bad….so who do they gist with….it is well ooo.

    • Hello Comfort. You couldn’t have said it better. A lot of women are dying in silence today. They have lost the desire and passion to fight for their marriages. Many husbands have resolved to clubs, hang-outs etc discussing sports, politics rather than deal with the issues of their families. It’s sad. It is the reason some of these men come home late, and do nothing but crash on the bed and sleep, unwilling to sit with their wives and have a heart-to-heart. And when they do that, the wives also find comfort and solace in their children. She pours her love and energy on them (because a woman needs to let out)

      But the truth is, it hadn’t always been like this. So what happened to them? They used to be in love. They used to be gist buddies. They used to look forward to being with each other. ‘Used to… used to…used to…’

      If only they both can just sit down and talk. The thirteen letter word C-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-o-n is key for any marriage to work. One wonders why such a ‘simple’ task will be difficult to do. We can sit down in clubs for 3-4 hours and argue why Buhari’s policies are archaic and why Arsenal needs a new manager but to come home and talk with our wives for five minutes is a dread. It beats me. We all deserve to be happy, that’s why we seek for happiness wherever we can, either in our kids or with our colleagues at work.

      As spouses, we need to communicate better and engage more. If we had that happiness before, we can have it again and it takes two to make it work.

      Thanks Comfort for your contribution.
      God bless.

  8. Sincerely, It may be a personal problem but i really don’t get so moved by this scenario. Instead its the other way round. I am sometimes an advocate of live your own life but realised that it must be kept within reasonable limits, afterall, its a marriage.

    While discussing the topic of marriage in a church meeting in my house, i gave the “see finish theory”. The theory is as simple as it states. Familiarity breeds contempt. But maybe contempt is too heavy to describe the situation. Lets be deliberate as earlier commented. Create spice and make your partner giggle like the first moments you shared when you just met. Its not happening to me yet, but hopefully, one day soon, i will giggle again like i did way back those 10 years ago.

  9. Nice one Juwon. Just getting to read your write-ups. ( will ensure I do more often).

    It is necessary to be aware of these little things that sometimes ruin a good home. I am happy your wife shared with you her observations, some women won’t.. that in a way also shows that she loves, respects and trusts you…

    Good job mate…

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