The Front Seat Debate

Who occupies the Front Seat in your relationships?

Sometime ago I was watching #Thespot on EbonyLife TV and the three musketeers’ topic of discussion was The Front Seat Debate. At first, I didn’t understand what that meant until Ebuka in his very eloquent manner broke it down for me. And I got interested.

So here it is?
If you, a guy, are driving with your best buddy in the front seat and you have to pick your bae/babe/girlfriend/fiance, would you tell your buddy to bounce (ok, maybe I should not use the word bounce sha), would you tell your buddy to go to the back seat so your babe slash fiancée slash girlfriend can occupy the front seat? Would you?

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These are the different schools of thought (well, my school of thought, really):

  1. Depending on the relationship between your girlfriend and your buddy. If they (your buddy and your girlfriend, that is) are buddies too, then these scenarios might play out themselves:

You get to your babe’s place and she sees your buddy in the front seat and she goes, “Mike! abeg..abeg…abegcomot from that seat! (Get out of that seat!) You know no your levels ni?! Abeg move jor!” And Mike, laughingly,  would say, ‘Your majesty! The Queen of the jungle! We worship thee.’ And without a fuss he moves to the back seat and you just enjoy the comedy, laugh over it and drive off. The atmosphere in the car is healthy and conversation flows uninhibited.

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You get to your babe’s place, she sees your buddy in the front seat and she just goes to the back seat and joins the convo. Probably, hits your buddy on the head and asks about his babe and why he didn’t come with her. And the fun in the car resumes and everyone is happy.


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That’s your ‘the more the merrier’ type of babe. She takes your convo to another level.


2. If the relationship between your girlfriend and your buddy isn’t that rhythmic, as in, they are not into each other. By that, I mean, it’s not that they beef each other, it’s just that they aren’t really friends like that like that. You get what I mean, right? Now if that’s the case, then you will have a situation whereby your girlfriend will see your buddy in the front seat, and expect you to make the call and if you don’t she will just gravitate to the back seat quietly, nibble at her fingers, gets lost in her phone, and say nothing.

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She won’t join in the conversation. She just has those death-like eyes, void of emotions. You and I know that when a woman says nothing, she is screaming everything. You’ve been in the game long enough to know that. You make it worse if you and your buddy continue to rattle on like a bicycle that’s lost its valve.

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Two things here: One, she just may not care two hoots and it just may not be an issue with her. She might not mention it either. However, it won’t change the fact that she will remember. And two, it may be a big deal, and by not making the call, you make the fact that they are not friends quite obvious because you might have at your back a sulking, moody and disgruntled girlfriend who is waiting for you to drop this buddy off before giving you a lecture on how a bad influence he is on you. ‘A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.’ Please, remember I told you.


3. You might be blessed to have that kind of a girlfriend/babe that is bubbly, carefree, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, who will jump into the car, not even aware there is a back seat or a front seat, all she knows is that there is a seat. She enters the car, sits at the back and swings into an animated gist with your buddy and you are relegated to the background. That way she is sitting at the back but she is the one on the front seat, literarily. That’s your ‘Peace of mind’ kinda girl. Every guy prays and desires such a one, you know.

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4. If your girlfriend is territorial, then it’s possible you stop to pick her and she just stands by the passenger door and not utter a word but her body language and face oozes a mile a minute. If your buddy does not relocate, you should be ready for war!

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She is the kind of girl that takes ownership and is not unsure about her place. If you have forgotten, she ensures she reminds you and brings you to page. She does not joke about serious and defining moments like that. No dulling with her at all.


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Even if your buddy takes offence and decides not to enter the car again, she doesn’t care two hoots. She is glad to do the dirty job for you.

However, your babe might see it as a sign of respect and worth if you politely ask your buddy to move to the back so she could sit in front, regardless of whatever relationship there is between the two of them.

Smiling teenagers in a car

In fact this respect is more appreciated if you tell him to move before you guys even arrive at her place. Your reward is a happy babe that dotes on you with reckless abandon.

It’s a higher level of respect also if your buddy makes the move to the back seat by his own volition, without being asked to. It simply implies that there’s an unspoken sense of worth you have placed on this babe of yours and your buddy or buddies feel that vibe from you 24/7. That kind of worth and significance is every woman’s dream.

As subtle as it may seem, though, you should know that this puts you in a delicate position to choosing between your girlfriend and your buddy. Whoever you choose says and means a lot.

Point of note, if as a guy, that buddy of yours happens to be a lady, please, your case is OYO!! It shall not be discussed here!

In a figurative manner, who occupies the ‘figurative’ front seat in your relationships? Your buddies? Your bae/boo? Your mum?

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You have your circle of friends, all fun and jolly to be with, and then suddenly you get hitched. The dynamic changes; who do you now hang out with? Your babe or your circle of friends, especially if she sticks out like a leg in a cast amongst your circle of friends? Ebuka would say, ‘you get girlfriend now, we no dey see you again.’ So how do you strike a balance? You wouldn’t want to kill your buddies with neglect because of her and then expect them to show up when you start preparing for your wedding. Would you? And you also wouldn’t want to leave your garden unattended, else it will grow weeds and another will cultivate it.

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Who occupies the front seat?

However, it is a blessing if this babe happens to be from your circle of friends or if she seamlessly just blends with your circle of friends. That will be a huge relief. So when you hang out, you all hang out together. You share in the same events and laugh about the same stuff. Well, if she’s not, well your buddies need to understand and just respect your new status.

In all, the front seat may not really be a big deal, as you lay your bed, so you lie on it.

Remember, it is not fair or wise to disrespect your partner by pitting him/her against your friend or friends. Not fair.

Photocredit: Google images

I throw it back at you. Who occupies the front seat in your relationships?


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Written by juwonodutayo

Writer. Tutor. Speaker. Blogger. Roger Federer Fan.


Leave a Reply
  1. Really, why is The Seat so important? Afterall when the woman ‘finally’ has a child, they have no issues staying in the back seat with the baby because she’s has no reason to look for recognition anymore. That battle over who seats in the front seat is for recognition. Hehehehe.

    I will look at the seat issue from a cultural perspective. Different seats have their own importance in different cultures. In African culture, elders come first including in-laws and the husband’s friends aka awon baba oko (LOL) and they automatically claim front seat. However, in our world of female emancipation, gender equality and westernization, ladies are beginning to assert themselves and take position. No problem with that, but i ask, kini big deal?

    It’s just a seat. It doesn’t bring you closer to your man in the sense that really matters. So for me, ko marra. In marriage and relationships there are bigger challenges and the battle for the front seat takes back seat.

    • The third scenario pretty much describes you then – what really is front seat? As long as there is a seat make person sit down.
      The cultural angle is another twist to the debate, truly. I mean, when you think of Baba oko in a marital situation, that is.
      By and large, just like you said, it is the female emancipation age, and babes are not dulling at all.
      Thanks for your comment, Tiwa. Quite enlightening.

  2. The first scenario aptly describes my babe’s relationship with my buddies so it wasn’t much of an issue for me. Then again amongst our crew then it was just a sign of respect for your guy’s relationship to vacate the front seat for his babe. Any babe that the front seat is not vacated for in our crew then was definitely the side chick. Now na my wife get my front seat o. Nobody dey challenge am abeg.

  3. You see, it pays after all that one’s babe and buddies are jolly friends. It just gives the dude some peace and rest of mind.
    And that’s true, lol… if the seat is not vacated for her, it basically means ‘the board of trustees’ hasn’t confirmed her status. She be side chick lol. Hmmmn..Interesting.
    Thanks for your contribution, Opemipo.

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