He is cheating.

“Come on, read what she wrote.”

“I read it.”

“She said he is cheating and he is not remorseful. In other words, she knows it’s a problem he is cheating, but it’s a bigger problem if he is not remorseful about it.”

“I perfectly understand.”

“What is she supposed to do?”

“What does she want to do? That is the question only she can answer.”

“She probably doesn’t know, which was why she wrote in anonymity.”

“It would still not change anything. She would have to ask herself what she really wants. Does she want to fight and keep her marriage or does she want to pack and walk away?”

“I am sensing you would want her to stay.”

“It’s her choice really. There are many women who have been in similar situations who stayed and fought for their home/marriage and are better off for it today. And there are also those who walked away and oh well…It’s her choice. What does she want?”

“Baby, supposing he is remorseful, it would have been a good place to start.”

“But she said he is not. I get. So?”

“That is worrisome.”

“And I do not deny that.”

“Why would he think it right to disrespect her like that?”

“Olami, if we dig deeper, we probably could be asking, Is there something she is doing that is sending him out? Could she be denying him or turning him down whenever he wants it?”

“Baby, why are you talking like this? Are you saying it’s okay for a man to play away if his wife is not satisfying him?”

“Of course not! I’m only trying to dig if there are things she’s not doing right. It would be good to cross all the ‘Ts’ and dot all the ‘Is’, you know. As much as I will not exonerate her husband, you know there is no smoke without fire.”

“There can be smoke without fire. Plenty smoke sef!”

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

“I don’t like to look for excuses for a misconduct, especially on a matter such as this. That, if not because she did this, I wouldn’t have done this, if not because she is like this, this wouldn’t have happened. Can’t we just treat a wrong for the sole purpose of the fact that it is a wrong?”

“That would be nice but we cannot also contest the reality that our actions and inactions spur certain consequences that are not sometimes premeditated.”

“It doesn’t make sense. That’s just looking for someone to blame.”

“Olami, sit down. Remember the two stories I told you yesterday. She caught him on their matrimonial bed. But she stayed and fought for her marriage. Look at them today, they are helping other marriages heal twenty-seven years later. If no one told you, you wouldn’t know.”

“His case was probably different, for one, I’m sure he was remorseful.”

“And of course we both know about those who weren’t remorseful but their wives still chose to stay.”

“One size does not fit all, baby. And these examples you cited are parents whose issues happened decades ago. Our generation has bigger challenges today.”

“I know. And I agree with what Mr Kingsley said. She may need to use protection with him to safeguard herself. I mean, she doesn’t know what he is carrying and she sure does not want to get any sexually transmitted disease while she is trying to hope for better.”

“Exactly! There is that danger again. And the funny side of it is, he could even take that as more justification to continue his sexcapades.”

“It’s tough, really. People can see when your husband is physically abusing you, they can see marks in cases of domestic violence. But if your husband sleeps around and he is not remorseful about it and he comes home and gives you any sexually transmitted disease, you could be dying in silence and not a soul would know. So she should use protection.”

“And if he frowns at it?”

“I don’t know. What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know.”

“She could consider getting help. I believe every man should have someone they are accountable to. Someone like if they see their phone calls, they would sit up. Someone they should dread their wives reporting them to.”

“But not every man has that. What if he is not accountable to anyone? What if he there is no one he fears?”

“I know you are trying to paint the worst scenario possible. But that would be scary. That is disaster.”

“And most times added to the package is a foreboding fear hanging over her head that if she dares spill their shenanigans, the marriage is over.”

“Hmmmn…o ga o.”

“So where does she go to? Who would she run to? Where would she get help?”

“God. Prayers.”


“What….You don’t think it works?”

“Of course I believe in the efficacy of prayers…”


“Stop it…don’t put words in my mouth…You know I believe in prayers.”


“Baby, what does she do after she’s done praying? Faith without works is dead.”

“I feel you. Another question you want to ask is, how did it get this bad? Couldn’t there have been signs, early signs, I mean, that could have caught her attention and moved her to nip his flirting in the bud before it degenerated to this level? I’m a woman, we sense these things when they start.”

“That’s a good question. Maybe she kept quiet or she was probably praying and not taking actions till it got this bad.”

“Or maybe she was shut up when she raised her suspicions and she was made to feel she was being paranoid.”

“Shift…let me sit down. You know my major concern?”

“What is it?”

“The fact that he is not remorseful. As in, that still beats me. Adultery is a sin and to continue in it with no penitence or any care in the world is totally unacceptable and disrespectful.”

“And that right there is a fundamental problem.”

“I’m glad you see it. So before this fundamental problem is solved, what happens to her?”

“What do you think?”

“Why are you posting the question back? I’m asking you?”

“It seems he doesn’t place any worth on her anymore. If he is not apologetic, then she has lost value where he stands. There cannot be any bigger shame or ridicule for any woman.”

“It’s sad. Even if you say she should protect herself, that is if he is even asking or interested.”

“What a pity. Apparently, a third party has to step in and initiate a discussion with him.”

“Whether he is a person he respects or not.”

“It really doesn’t matter now.”

“Possibly hear him out and find out how he could be like this with no iota of shame.”

“See, being with a man that cannot be corrected, that has no structures around him that could constrain him from philandering, a man who has no one he is accountable to, is dreadful. A man who cannot shudder at the dropping of a name is disaster going somewhere to happen. Not that we all don’t make mistakes, but let it be that it is a mistake, not a case where a man is just set in his evil ways and does not listen to anyone.”

“You’re right.”

“But at the end of it all, it will still be her choice, what does she want?”

“What does she want to do?”

“It’s getting late, I need to get some sleep.”

“Can we pray for them?”





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Written by juwonodutayo

Writer. Tutor. Speaker. Blogger. Roger Federer Fan.

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