Many Sundays ago I went to my aunt’s place to watch Arsenal-Everton match and I met my sparring partner at home (of all people to meet!! Gosh!) She is not a fan of any club. She just basically supports the team that’s against mine, either in soccer or tennis. So she was on her soapbox teasing and cheering Everton on. You would think I should have chosen somewhere else to watch the match, right? Anyway, match ended and we chatted. Out of irrepressible laughter, she told me about an old school mate she ran into some days back. And in those few days he had come unto her like a swarm of bees. In those 5 days he had invited her for tennis practice (which she went), to church (which she went), to a Saturday barbeque in his house (that she did not honor) and so on. And now, as we sat talking after the painful Arsenal-Everton 1-1 draw, he had BBed her asking if she was home so he could come visiting.
She answered she was home but would be going out for a carol service shortly. She lied. She wasn’t going for any carol service. And she wasn’t happy she had to lie. So she cried, ‘I’m not interested. I’m just not interested.’ He pushed further; he asked if he could stop by the house briefly and give her some portion of the barbeque chicken. She laughed knowing it was a ploy for him to know where she lived. She obliged him. And I got excited. Of course, barbeque chicken would alleviate the sorrow of Arsenal’s draw and be an evening delight.
He brought the chicken alongside potato salad and a bottle of wine. Very romantic.
I enjoyed every bite and the wine was incredible.
He didn’t stay long. She didn’t allow him to.
‘A delivery man brought me flowers and chocolate at the office yesterday.’ She said as she returned from walking him to the door.
She offered me some of the chocolate. I was pitiful, right? I know. The foody and greedy part of me was tempted to ask her to play along.
‘So, whats up?’ I asked instead.
Straight from the shoulder, not mincing any word, ‘I’m not interested. I just don’t feel it.
Sometimes I just dont understand what those lines mean. But that’s for another day. Moving on.
‘Don’t worry, I’m nipping it in the bud asap.’
I finished my chocolate and left.
She is not interested. But he thinks she is playing hard to get.
What’s the difference between I’m Not Interested and Playing Hard To Get? They are too close together it’s hard to tell which is which. It’s tough ladies, it’s really tough. Guys can’t seem to get a clear distinction between the two. This is because, as men, we love to chase. It’s been said, men want what they can’t have. We have little respect for women who come easy. Our ego comes alive when we know we have to work hard to get you. Playing hard to get makes you desirable, gives us something to fight for. We are competitive and egoistic by nature. We love a good challenge. Isn’t that what wooing is all about?’
So when you give him that cold shoulder, his antenna just go into work mode and he puts on his thinking cap and the wooing begins. Men l-o-v-e to chase. He believes your saying No means you have other options. So, he plunges into the desert of love and start hunting for The Game. Because in his brain, all your Nos and withdrawals just fuel him to work harder and be smarter. It simply tells him that’s your way of asking, ‘how bad do you want me?’ See, if you don’t know, there’s just something attractive about a woman who plays hard to get, its magnetic and alluring. And any good guy loves the chase. He loves the way you’re sweet with every guy and are not committed to any. It makes the competition stiffer and when you eventually, hopefully, pick him, he feels he’s won a trophy. It’s ego boost for him and to know that he is dating a woman who could be with countless other men, but has chosen him, just shoots up his ratings amongst his friends. This is one of many things that birth respect for you. A higher value is placed on you, I dare say, such relationships last longer, if managed well. I mean, we like to keep what we fight hard and long to get.
Here is what happens if she is playing hard to get:
1. You call her on phone and she doesn’t answer immediately, giving you the impression that she is busy doing some other exciting things while in actual fact you could see she is uploading a picture on Instagram, replying tweet on twitter, posting on Facebook and hoping you would call again. And a moment later she sends you a text acknowledging your call. It’s a good sign. She is playing hard to get.
2. You call her and ask for a date and she goes, ‘I’m busy.’ She wants you to know she has so much going for her and her life is a beehive of events and activities. And of course you haven’t earned that exclusive right that will make her abandon any of her other commitments in order to be with you. She is saying, ‘Try harder, dude.
Well, if just as you are about to end the call, she cuts in and gives an opening ‘I think I’m free next Saturday, though.’ She is playing hard to get. And that’s a green light there. You better cancel any occasion you have lined up for Saturday!
3. Her make-up and dressing is always on point when around you. She does not have one hair out of place. You could tell she put in some effort to look great. Haven’t you noticed? And she can tell you steal glances at her once in a while, so she’s always conscious. her smile is deliberate. Her laughter is deliberate. Ad her gait is well rehearsed.
4. She eulogizes about other guys that like her. That’s a huge sign. She is always making noise about this and that guy that said this and that. She tells you about those asking her out, those whom she went on a date with. And when she paints these stories, she is careful enough to watch your responses and reactions. That’s an encouraging sign, she is into you, dude, and you should hurry up, make your move and lock it down.
5. She is sarcastic and not complimentary. Don’t let it get to you, she is just flirting. 8 out of 10 times women dissed and bad-mouthed the men they ended up with. It’s a strategy some women use so that if eventually your liver fails you and you do not make the move, it would seem they didn’t like you in the first place. Give it back to her and be sarcastic. Play along but make sure she knows you’re teasing and not lashing out because you’re offended.
6. She is all bright and breezy one day and the next day she cuts you dead. She builds your hope a moment laughing at your jokes making body contact and the next moment she’s all moody and not receptive. She is playing her game well. She wants you guessing what’s going on. And she is having a swell time laughing at how her plot is making you feel.
However, supposing she is not Playing Hard to Get and She is Just Not Interested, deal with it and move on. Truth be told, she, sometimes, is just not interested.
Eight out of ten times men can’t tell. So guys, allow me help you figure.
1. She may be guarded because she’s been hurt in the past. She has been lied to and cheated on. It is not impossible that she has even played hard to get in the past and it still didn’t get her anywhere. So, she is tired, just tired of men. It’s not about you; it’s her past that is still hunting her. Just leave her and move on. If you push, you will push her farther away.
2. Or she has seen her friends’ sour relationships that left them devastated. She is afraid it might happen to her, so she is taking it out on you. In other words, you are suffering for some sin that some other dude committed. Bro, move on.
3. Or you probably are too fast. You’re coming on too soon and it’s just putting her off. She probably prefers you take it easy and build friendship but you’re already sending barbeque on the second day and flowers on the third. Slow down, dude.
4. Or she has designs on someone else.
5. Or…nothing. Just nothing!
6. Or she is just not into you!!! Deal with it and move on with your life!
At the end, if she is playing hard to get, if you do not give up, you will win. And if she is not interested, just drive and move on.
Photocredit: Google images